just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
