I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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