everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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