pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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