You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
