Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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