Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
