so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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