dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
