what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Please don't give away my fajitas
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
