im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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