Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
