I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
