I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
