Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
