I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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