let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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