And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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