dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
