billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
