It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
