guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
