i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
