i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
