we're chasing vodka with high fives
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
