sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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