I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
