Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
