The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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