i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
