guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
