so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
where does the pee come out of this thing
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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