My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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