Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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