All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
