i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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