I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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