Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
