She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My vagina is officially offended.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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