i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
