Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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