false alarm. still invincible.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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