Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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