how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
