if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
