party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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