i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
