If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize