Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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