i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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