Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
