I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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