I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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