Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
