Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
