but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
