Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
