6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
