It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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