It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My feet surprised me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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