just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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