You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
