I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
