dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
