i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
